I want to be clear about something. I didn't drink every day, I didn't need alcohol to function, and I never hit some dramatic rock bottom. But I did use it as an escape hatch.
For a long time, I was living a life I didn’t particularly like, performing a version of myself I didn’t particularly recognize. I was the shy, reserved one, always a little too introverted for the room. And somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that alcohol would fix that. That it would make me more interesting, more relaxed, more fun to be around. That people would like me more if I had a drink in my hand.
There’s also something that always bothers me and that people seem to normalize. The social pressure to drink. Refuse a glass of wine at dinner and watch how people look at you. Suddenly you owe everyone an explanation. You’re either pregnant, in recovery, or being difficult. It’s one of the few substances where not consuming it makes you the odd one out.
So I drank. Not excessively, but consistently enough that it became part of how I coped with awkwardness, with anxiety, with a life I was sleepwalking through.
Then I started strength training and everything shifted.
Not because lifting weights magically cured anything, but because for the first time in a long time, I was building something. I was investing in my body instead of numbing it. I was showing up for myself, consistently, and actually seeing results. And at some point, the cognitive dissonance became too loud to ignore. I was working hard to get stronger, sleeping better, eating with intention, and then undoing a lot of it with alcohol.
It stopped making sense. So I stopped drinking.
what actually changed for me
I won’t pretend quitting alcohol turned my life around overnight. But I will say that it removed a layer of fog I didn’t realize was there.
I started sleeping better. I had more energy on weekends. I stopped dreading Mondays because I’d spent Sunday recovering from Saturday. Small things, but they added up.
Which brings me back to the bigger picture.
I spent years performing a character I thought other people wanted to see. The cool girl, the easy-going one, the one who says yes so she fits in. Alcohol was one of the props I used to keep that character going. When I stopped drinking, there was nowhere to hide. I had to learn to just be myself in rooms, which was uncomfortable, and then liberating.
My life looks pretty different now. I train in the mornings, I’m in bed before 10pm with a book, I spend my weekends taking care of myself and the people I love. No late nights, no recovery days wasted on the couch. Some people would call that boring. And honestly, a few years ago, I probably would have agreed — or at least pretended to.
But here’s what I know now. That quiet, intentional life is exactly what I always wanted. I was just too busy performing someone else to admit it.
Strength training showed me what I was capable of when I showed up consistently. Quitting alcohol showed me who I actually was when I stopped hiding. And somewhere between the two, I found the version of myself I'd been avoiding.
And turns out, I’m actually fine as I am.
what the science says about alcohol
The science on alcohol has shifted significantly, and "everything in moderation" is no longer the reassuring answer it used to be.
In 2023, the World Health Organization published a statement confirming that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption. The risk to your health starts from the first drop of any alcoholic beverage, regardless of how much you drink. This isn’t fringe thinking or fear-mongering. Alcohol has been classified as a Group 1 carcinogen by the International Agency for Research on Cancer, the same category as asbestos and tobacco. It has been linked to at least seven types of cancer, including bowel cancer and female breast cancer.
For those of us who train, there’s more. Alcohol can reduce muscle protein synthesis, lower testosterone levels, raise cortisol (the stress hormone that promotes muscle breakdown), and disrupt sleep. All things that are directly counterproductive to building a stronger body. Research has shown that alcohol can decrease protein synthesis by up to 37% when consumed after a workout, meaning the session you just pushed through is being partially dismantled while you’re at the bar.
And the hangover itself is its own kind of sabotage. The fatigue, the headache, the general inability to do anything useful. That’s not just inconvenient. Those are hours and days where you’re not moving, not recovering well, not showing up for the things you actually care about.
💌 a note on judgment
None of this is a manifesto against drinking. If you enjoy a glass of wine on a Friday night and it doesn’t interfere with how you feel or what you’re building, that’s your business.
But if you’ve ever used alcohol the way I did — as a social crutch, as an escape, as a way to be someone slightly more palatable — it might be worth asking yourself whether it’s actually giving you anything, or just making it easier to avoid the question.
For me, the answer was clear. And I haven’t looked back.
Wow, I feel like you're in my mind. :) I've been thinking about this a lot lately and have felt called to stop drinking entirely for the sake of my health (both physical and mental). Thanks so much for sharing your experience!
Perfect! I reduced my alcohol consumption a loooot. And when you think about how it's normalized, it's kinda scary.