“how to become a gym girl” is a little series i’m putting together for those of you who want to start going to the gym but feel stuck before you even begin. if that’s you, i hope this makes taking that first step feel a little easier ♡
i’ve been lifting weights without interruption for six years now (holidays and the occasional flu aside), and i’ve been walking into gyms for over a decade. you’d think that qualifies as an environment where i feel completely at ease. and yet. every time i have to train somewhere other than my usual gym, panic shows up before i do. my brain seems to forget every movement that’s become automatic to me by now.
at the end of last year, my regular gym closed for renovations, so i had to find somewhere else to train in the meantime. i found a small, family-run gym close to home, and on my first session there, i felt like a complete beginner again. which made no sense on paper. i knew how to use most of the machines, i had my program with me, and i knew exactly what i was doing. my heart was pounding so hard i thought i was about to have a panic attack.
i’m a naturally anxious person, and i don’t like being the center of attention. knowing someone is watching me, for any reason, makes me painfully aware of myself: my flaws, my mistakes, every small thing i could be doing wrong. a new environment where i’m also likely to be watched is the perfect recipe for my brain to spiral.
in the end, everything went fine. i trained at that little gym for almost two months before i could go back to my usual one. i’m telling you this story because i know, from the inside, the anxiety a beginner feels the first time she walks into a gym. by nature, gyms are intimidating places. there’s a certain masculine aura, all sweat and testosterone, hanging in the air. even when a gym makes a real effort to feel welcoming to women, and even though the last few years have brought a genuinely positive shift toward encouraging women to lift, the weight room is still, more often than not, full of men. i understand the hesitation. i understand why some women refuse to set foot in one at all.
but if you actually want to build muscle, change your body, and get strong, at some point you have to walk in. training at home is great, especially when you’re starting out. unless you’ve built yourself a fully equipped home gym though, you’ll hit a wall pretty fast: not enough equipment, and no real way to keep progressively overloading your training. i’ve written about progressive overload more times than i can count, because it’s the single biggest driver of real results, not just how your body looks, but your strength and performance too.
in this article i’ll walk you through five simple steps to get past the fear of training in a gym when being a gym girly doesn’t come naturally to you.
💌
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01. choose a gym that removes friction, not one that looks perfect
forget the gym with the perfect aesthetic look, the nicest equipment or the best reviews if it’s 40 minutes away. the gym you’ll actually go to is the one that’s close, easy to get to, and doesn’t require willpower just to walk through the door.
i’ve been doing this for years, and i know for sure that if i have to wake up at 4:30 am to get ready and get to the gym at 6 am to train before work, the chances i skip most of my workouts are high. for years i trained in a gym that wasn’t pretty, taht didn’t offer any of the extras: no sauna, no fancy protein shakes, no ultra high-tech equipment. but it was 5 minutes away from me, and it had everything i needed to train with intensity and progressive overload. that was enough to keep me going year after year, because there was no friction involved.
beyond location, pay attention to the vibe. smaller or family-run gyms, like the one i ended up in, tend to feel less intimidating than a massive commercial chain packed with mirrors and men mid-deadlift. look for gyms that offer a free trial or a day pass. go once before you commit to a membership, and go at the time of day you’d actually train. a gym that feels calm at 10 am can turn into a completely different place at 6 pm.
if the free weights section still feels like too much in the beginning, start with machines. they guide your movement, the risk of doing something wrong is low, and most of them come with instructions printed right on them. you can move to free weights once the machines stop feeling foreign.
02. get your program and split right from day one
nothing feeds gym anxiety like standing in the middle of the floor wondering what to do next. walk in with a plan. as a beginner, a full body routine two to three times a week, or a simple upper/lower split, will take you much further than anything complicated.
when i first decided i wanted to start strength training, i had no clue about programs, splits, or training volume. i was going to the gym 3 times a week and, since i didn’t know what to do, every time i just did all the machines available (yes, you read that right, i did ALL the machines in one session 😄). it was exhausting and barely efficient. if i had known what to do back then, i’d have ten years of proper training behind me by now. i’d have seen results faster, and my whole fitness journey would have been so much easier and smoother.
also, please, please, please, resist the urge to copy an advanced lifter’s program because it looks impressive online. their split exists to manage years of accumulated fatigue and very specific weak points. yours should exist to build a base. once the fundamentals are second nature, and only then, is it worth adding complexity.
03. get curious about the science behind lifting instead of letting it intimidate you
one of the fastest ways to feel like you belong somewhere is to actually understand what you’re doing there. instead of assuming everyone else in the weight room knows something you don’t, get curious. learn what progressive overload actually means and why it matters. learn roughly how much protein your body needs to build muscle. learn why lifting heavy won’t make you bulky.
the more you learn, the more engaged you’ll become. this isn’t about turning yourself into a certified coach overnight. it’s more about replacing intimidation with information. understanding the basics of how strength training works transforms it from a mindless chore into something intellectually stimulating. you start making connections, seeing patterns, understanding why certain things work and others don’t.
and honestly, it’s just cool to know what’s happening inside your body when you lift. your muscles are literally adapting and getting stronger, your bones are getting denser, and you’re building something that will serve you for decades. that’s pretty amazing when you think about it.
04. learn the unwritten rules so you stop guessing
a big part of feeling like an outsider in a gym is not knowing the etiquette, and being terrified of breaking a rule nobody explained to you. so here it is, spelled out:
wipe down equipment after you use it
re-rack your weights
if someone is between sets on a machine you want, ask if you can work in rather than hovering behind them like a threat
don’t film yourself without checking if anyone in the background minds
don’t sit on a machine doomscrolling between sets if you can help it, both for your own focus and everyone else’s comfort
put the weights back where they belong, not a 65 kg dumbbell next to an 8 kg one; it makes no sense, sorry
understand that the gym is a public space, so if someone asks to work in with you on a machine, don’t act like it bothers you (even if it does)
05. find the courage for the first step, then repeat it
everything above helps. but at some point, none of it replaces actually walking in. the first session will probably feel awkward no matter how prepared you are. mine did. you go once, it’s uncomfortable. you go again, it’s slightly less uncomfortable. you keep going, and one day you realize the fear quietly left without announcing itself.
unfortunately, i don’t have a life-changing hack for you. what kept me coming back day after day, and then year after year, was thinking deeply about my body-and-health-related values. i wrote down the things that really matter to me when it comes to my body and my physical health.
i know i want enough muscle, not only for my overall health but also for the look i like. i want to feel strong and perform well in my workouts. i can’t achieve that training at home. and hear me out, please: that doesn’t mean you can’t build muscle and change your body training at home, at least up to a point. but like i said before, there are limits only a fully equipped gym can get you past. so for my goals, i need the gym.
write down your goals. be honest about what you really want, and if it makes sense to start going to the gym, get your membership and take the first step. i promise you won’t regret it.
thanks for reading,
—glicia ⋆˚✿˖
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read the other posts in this series
about the writer
i’m glicia, a personal trainer and nutrition student based in paris. i’m the person behind never not hungry, a newsletter about getting stronger, eating actual food (yes, with carbs!), and making fitness a little less complicated. when i’m not writing, i’m designing workout programs, trying overpriced cafés, reading romantasy, or lifting heavy things. welcome to my little corner of the internet. i hope you’ll stay.
Thank you. This is the one article I needed.
first of all thank you so much for taking the time to share this, it truly matters 🩷. if you don’t mind, can you share some tips related to weight gaining, how to know which workout to follow, or even where do we find workout routines. i want to start but i feel so lost.😞